Do You Struggle with Forgiveness? 3 Steps to Help You Heal

Do you struggle with forgiveness and letting go of the pain that someone in your life has caused you? I’ve got a few tips if you really, truly want to stop feeling as angry or as sad as you do. But readiness and willingness is a must. If you don’t want to and you’re not ready to, then read this and save it for when you are. 

First, let’s define Forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is the voluntary, internal process of letting go of feelings and thoughts of resentment, bitterness, anger and the need for vengeance and retribution toward someone who has wronged you.

Second, let’s define what Forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not pardoning, condoning, excusing an offense or forgetting about it. It is also not the same as reconciliation although that can occur as part of the forgiveness process.

So let's be very clear. You are not letting them "off the hook". You don't even have to communicate with them, which is a good thing because they might not be available, you might not want to and they certainly don't deserve your friendship.

You are doing this for you. You might have heard this a hundred times, but until you do it, you won't see the truth in it. You release the pain that they have caused you so that you can be free of the emotional chains that keep you locked in to those negative emotions. This process is all about you because negative emotions bring your vibrational energy down and that's not a healthy state of being. So we forgive for our selves.

Here are 3 baby steps:

The First Step:  The Decision

It might seem like a small task, but it is monumental because it is the beginning of the end of your trauma. This step is empowering you, for you are the one that controls the outcome. In the past, your "abuser" was in control. Now you get to make the decision. It's vital, because without it, you cannot move on.

Ask yourself this question, "Am I ready to release the shackles that keep me tied to the pain that this person caused me?" This decision is key.

The Second Step: Change your Perspective

The psychology term for this is a Paradigm Shift and it is incredibly powerful. Here's how it starts. See that person as the saddest version of their truest self. This is not intended to make you pity them, but you probably will and this is so much better than being afraid of them or even being angry. Let's continue on. That person who hurt you is not of a healthy mind. They are in pain, they have been hurt, they are weak, and they are unhappy. You got in their line of fire and they took it out on you, but they are the damaged ones. Repeat this next sentence to yourself: They hurt me but they didn’t break me because I am tougher than I think, and I can heal. 

The Third Step: Find the Benefit

Whoa. I know this might seem almost impossible. It is the question of all questions. Why did this happen to me? But this is an important part of the process and remember, you are doing this for you. So ask yourself these questions (or write them out if you want to really work through this), "What did I learn about myself? Did it make me stronger? What did I learn about people? Did it teach me to stay away from certain types?" There is always a silver lining in life lessons. You just need to find it because your healing depends on it.

So if nothing else, remember this;


Only you can heal yourself.

And when you let go, is when you grow.

Are you ready?

With love,